25 January 2011

The Pains of Having a Small Family


Being a member of a small brood is often thought of with misplaced longing from people who begrudge their large, loud and laborious clan.
They view the small family unit as a quiet, studious bunch who rarely engage in screaming matches, don't spend each others money, steal each others clothes, forget their manners or refuse to wash up after dinner. This is simply not true. In reality, the wars occur usually between two parties, both too stubborn to admit when they’re wrong, and without a neutral third party, the fighting continues until someone gives up and storms out because the house is too small to contain two people who are both 'right'.
I am holding small families responsible for half the car accidents which occur post battle.
Other factors which make being in a small unit painful include having less friends, less birthday presents, less Christmas gifts, less holidays and less job opportunities.
So if you are thinking of having just one child, being single or cutting off annoying family members, think again and ask yourself, do you really want to be alone while the rest of the world share Sunday roasts and have trips to the beach? Have you ever tried putting sunscreen on your own back? It’s fucking hard! Not to mention when you get sunburnt and attempt to put Aloe Vera on in the middle of your searingly painful back.
Having people around is highly beneficial to all facets of life. Don’t kid yourself into thinking that silence and solidarity is a better way to spend your days.
Excuse me for being morbid, but you will end up dying alone.

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